last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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