Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
