The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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