I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
