speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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