She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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