Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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