I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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