real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
