Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
