i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
