But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
