I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
