just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
