just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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