the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
