im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
