And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
