Apparently you make a good broom.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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