Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
