One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we made out on top of his cat.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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