I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
