Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
