I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This house was built for laser tag.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
