i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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