I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
