He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
