$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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