sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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