Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
