piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
