You really coming over, don't trick.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize