i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
