He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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