and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
