Im at strip club and am horny
are you so shy because you have an std?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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