I cannot find my penis.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
