I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
