i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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