Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Randomize