Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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