i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
