If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's never too late to be topless.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
