I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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