if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
