Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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