White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
