Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
