Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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