He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
