i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
