im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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