i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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