You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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