Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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