Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
