I'm jealous of your bromance
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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