Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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