Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
