Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
