Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
