last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I look better un-naked...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
