Screwed.edu
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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