The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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