you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
