you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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