I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
