Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
PANTIES FOUND
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
