why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
