There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
