I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
