the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This house was built for laser tag.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
