i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
