Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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