That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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