Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
