I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
FUCK WHALES
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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