I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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