you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
