I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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