O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
