a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
