Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my shit smells like andre
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize