wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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