So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
