Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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