Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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