i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
