i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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