Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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