fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
