If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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