Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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