She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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