I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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