did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
