the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
