Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
