He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
