At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize