Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
