idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
